Aaaaaaagghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! almost ex-husbands suck huge hairy balls!!!!!!!!!! SERIOUS!!!! This sucks.

MAK is now a mobile poster, oh this takes my self-indulgent word vomit to another level. I don't know why I waited so long.

You heard it here first...

Yellow, Black and White will be huge this summer! Get ready to see it everywhere.

FAQ's

Q: Is that you in the picture at the top of your blog page?
A: Yes, and I happened to have snapped it myself. I love to dabble in photography but have many friends who are far more talented than me like Mat, Crystal, K8, and Rebecca.

Q: MAK, I anonymously creep your blog...but I really love the exclusive pictures you post on your Facebook fan page... now that I know your shoe size... I must know what do you smell like?
A: Dear Anonymous creeper, as disturbed as I am at your creepiness...oddly I appreciate your honesty at the same time, so I will indulge. I have been told that I smell sort of like a combination of fields of lavender and a newborn baby, but that is just my natural essence, I do get a little help from Chanel Chance or Chanel Coco Mademoiselle. I love to go to the Aveda store and play with the personal blends... generally anything with a woodsy base note and a sweet top note like ylang ylang with a little citrus I think smells great.

Q: Who is your favorite designer?
A: That is very difficult to answer because they constantly change. I find Zac Posen amazing. I do love Galliano, Lagerfeld, and McQueen for the couture stuff. But I get the most excited and inspired by the unknown kids that experiment with the fun street stuff... the one's that learned to sew with their grandma and have a make shift atelier in their basement. Even designers at the top are still inspired by that, it's truly the only way innovative fashion happens, we all take a cue from the kid's who have nothing to lose and aren't afraid to take risks.

Q: If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
A: What kind of retarded question is that?! I know Barbara Walters asked Katherine Hepburn (I think?) the exact same question but seriously, she was off her game that day. I guess if I were a tree, I would be a really fancy kind of gay one like a Japanese maple, I don't know, eff this question! NEXT!

Q: What do you do for a living?
A: This will be a real shocker, but blogging and Face-crack do not pay the bills. I just accepted a new position with an importer of home accessories. We have showrooms at all the larger trade markets as well as in-house product development and private label development.

Thanks for all the questions! Keep them coming! Send them to thenotoriousmak@gmail.com

so why do women have so effin' many shoes...

Today, I tackle the rhetorical question that has plagued MAN-kind for the ages. If I had a dollar for every time my (ex)husband asked "why do you have so many pairs of shoes?"...I would have a lot of dollars. And I would most likely spend all them dollars on more shoes. Okay, that said, the overwhelming answer to this vexing question is so simple. I have been the same shoe size since 7th grade. No lie, my feet have not grown since I was 13 years old. So, no matter how puffy, bloated, pregnant, skinny, pasty white, or tan my body is... my feet have always been a perfect size 7 1/2 (sometimes an 8 when I buy cheap). Whilst shoe shopping, there is absolutely no insane emotional guilt about how chubby I feel after inhaling that delicious tex-mex feast and 10 margaritas with my favorite senoritas. Nope, to the contrary, new shoes can actually make me feel skinnier. I will admit that last one is a baffling phenomenon.

I once read a sign that said "change your shoes, change your life". No matter how silly, I put a lot of weight in this notion. I have been on a lot of job interviews in my life and I have interviewed a lot of job applicants and I will tell you: PEOPLE LOOK AT YOUR SHOES! Interviewers also look at your hands more than your face. So, if you really want to make a good first impression, agonize over the shoes you will wear and get a manicure. I will eat my ... well ... shoe... if this doesn't work for you. This same experiment applies to first dates. By the way, the BIGGEST turn-off for MAK is cheap shoes and using a coupon.

This brings me to MAK fantasy #9 getting a super cute pair of shoes out of the blue in the mail preferably from a cute boy. OK, maybe he wasn't that cute when you first met him, but an over-the-top move like this would make him about a trillion times cuter instantly. I completely stole this fantasy from the Zappo's commercials where they take real audio of customer phone calls and reenact them puppet style. My favorite is titled "Jessie" about a girl who calls in to try to find out which boy du jour sent her the shoes UPS just delivered to her front door. I've embedded the video below. Apologies if it takes forever to load. The gist of it is, the girl, although elated is not sure who sent the fabulous shoes, so she proceeds to try and guess. For legal purposes I can only assume the Zappo's call center dude can only say yes or no. Ultimately, I have to say either this girl is complete slut, or my personal hero. Regardless, kudos to you Jessie! I'm pretty sure you got a lot of mileage out of that move. Lastly, I give zappos.com a big MAK blessing! I have purchased many pairs from them, they really do deliver them the NEXT day and they are incredibly easy to exchange or return.

If you are interested in the heavenly pair at the top of this post... go to Zappo's couture. They are Vivienne Westwood Anglomania+Wings.

this is for you Lexa

So my friend Lexa (she's lextastic) and I were having this great conversation about design, aesthetic, and scale etc. and about how sophisticated our homes would be if we a) had unlimited resources to throw at it and b) no small children. We are both a couple of crafty bitches so the latter of those two is the bigger hiccup in our habitat fantasies. I was telling her about my fascination with all the screen printing going on in the interior biz at the moment. I'm a huge fan of Haute House available at Neiman Marcus and Horchow. Particularly the postage sofa. Then, I saw this gem at Anthropologie.com and the wheels started to turn.

Question: What if your darling daughter or son spills red Hawaiian punch all over your sofa? Before, you go through the entire self loathing cycle of why you decided to give your small child the kiddie equivalent of crack and then question how it spilled in the first place...know it could have just as easily been your ass with a glass of red wine. Or in my specific case, your daughter (who will hopefully be a reknowned artist) taking a ball point pen to your beautiful suede tufted cocktail ottoman and drawing all sorts of scribbles, some of which unwittingly resemble a phallus. She was three, trust me when I say unwittingly.

Answer: Easy Peasy Japaneasy, break out the acrylic fabric paint and get busy. or maybe try a professional upholstery clean up service, but most likely your sofa is toast in this scenario, so get the kids and have some fun with it.

awful furniture can rise from the ashes...

And become the phoenix bookshelf it was destined for. This shelf is new, but I would choose instead to take truly awful chippendale revival shit cocktail tables and just go crazy cutting them in two with the skill saw. How cool would this look with a series of round ones? Can't wait to get back to my laboratory. Happy hunting! Be careful, hope everyone manages to keep all ten digits while attempting this!
Much love
-MAK

Righty Tighty Lefty Loosey

Hello! I hope to come out of hiding soon. I feel like I may owe you an explanation, my world has been turned on it's ear, and my words have been stolen and re-packaged as ammunition... hence the bail out of my former posts. Tomorrow is another day. It is probably foolish quoting Scarlet O'Hara, even though I love that movie. Bare with me for a moment, why is that movie so good? I believe because the character, Scarlet, is so delightfully selfish and we find her so relatable to our modern selves, therefor it has real stay-power. Also, the love story between Scarlet and Rhett is incredible. This can only be the fortunate result of the widely known fact that Vivian Leigh and Clark Gable detested each other in real life and found it barely tolerable to eak out a scene together. Even more evidence for the thought that love and hate are not opposite but actually parallel and the true counterpart to love is indifference. But, I feel foolish for quoting it or even comparing myself to Scarlet because I did not nearly lose my home to dirty, yankee, carpetbaggers nor did I have to lie, cheat, steal, or kill to never go hungry again... in fact, by comparison I have it pretty charmed, that said I will refrain from commenting on Scarlet's or my track record with marriage because frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

The weather is absolutely beautiful here in Tulsa, and as sure as I say it, I will inevitably regret it-- I cannot wait for summer! Bring on the Oklahoma heat, this has to have been the longest winter I have ever endured. Along with the gorgeous weather, I have lots of exciting plans and I will keep you posted. As always, be unnecessarily kind to everyone, you never know what they are going through.

Much love,
MAK

Sorry

I had to temporarily take this down. Check back, don't know when I will be able to post again.