so why do women have so effin' many shoes...

Today, I tackle the rhetorical question that has plagued MAN-kind for the ages. If I had a dollar for every time my (ex)husband asked "why do you have so many pairs of shoes?"...I would have a lot of dollars. And I would most likely spend all them dollars on more shoes. Okay, that said, the overwhelming answer to this vexing question is so simple. I have been the same shoe size since 7th grade. No lie, my feet have not grown since I was 13 years old. So, no matter how puffy, bloated, pregnant, skinny, pasty white, or tan my body is... my feet have always been a perfect size 7 1/2 (sometimes an 8 when I buy cheap). Whilst shoe shopping, there is absolutely no insane emotional guilt about how chubby I feel after inhaling that delicious tex-mex feast and 10 margaritas with my favorite senoritas. Nope, to the contrary, new shoes can actually make me feel skinnier. I will admit that last one is a baffling phenomenon.

I once read a sign that said "change your shoes, change your life". No matter how silly, I put a lot of weight in this notion. I have been on a lot of job interviews in my life and I have interviewed a lot of job applicants and I will tell you: PEOPLE LOOK AT YOUR SHOES! Interviewers also look at your hands more than your face. So, if you really want to make a good first impression, agonize over the shoes you will wear and get a manicure. I will eat my ... well ... shoe... if this doesn't work for you. This same experiment applies to first dates. By the way, the BIGGEST turn-off for MAK is cheap shoes and using a coupon.

This brings me to MAK fantasy #9 getting a super cute pair of shoes out of the blue in the mail preferably from a cute boy. OK, maybe he wasn't that cute when you first met him, but an over-the-top move like this would make him about a trillion times cuter instantly. I completely stole this fantasy from the Zappo's commercials where they take real audio of customer phone calls and reenact them puppet style. My favorite is titled "Jessie" about a girl who calls in to try to find out which boy du jour sent her the shoes UPS just delivered to her front door. I've embedded the video below. Apologies if it takes forever to load. The gist of it is, the girl, although elated is not sure who sent the fabulous shoes, so she proceeds to try and guess. For legal purposes I can only assume the Zappo's call center dude can only say yes or no. Ultimately, I have to say either this girl is complete slut, or my personal hero. Regardless, kudos to you Jessie! I'm pretty sure you got a lot of mileage out of that move. Lastly, I give zappos.com a big MAK blessing! I have purchased many pairs from them, they really do deliver them the NEXT day and they are incredibly easy to exchange or return.

If you are interested in the heavenly pair at the top of this post... go to Zappo's couture. They are Vivienne Westwood Anglomania+Wings.

this is for you Lexa

So my friend Lexa (she's lextastic) and I were having this great conversation about design, aesthetic, and scale etc. and about how sophisticated our homes would be if we a) had unlimited resources to throw at it and b) no small children. We are both a couple of crafty bitches so the latter of those two is the bigger hiccup in our habitat fantasies. I was telling her about my fascination with all the screen printing going on in the interior biz at the moment. I'm a huge fan of Haute House available at Neiman Marcus and Horchow. Particularly the postage sofa. Then, I saw this gem at Anthropologie.com and the wheels started to turn.

Question: What if your darling daughter or son spills red Hawaiian punch all over your sofa? Before, you go through the entire self loathing cycle of why you decided to give your small child the kiddie equivalent of crack and then question how it spilled in the first place...know it could have just as easily been your ass with a glass of red wine. Or in my specific case, your daughter (who will hopefully be a reknowned artist) taking a ball point pen to your beautiful suede tufted cocktail ottoman and drawing all sorts of scribbles, some of which unwittingly resemble a phallus. She was three, trust me when I say unwittingly.

Answer: Easy Peasy Japaneasy, break out the acrylic fabric paint and get busy. or maybe try a professional upholstery clean up service, but most likely your sofa is toast in this scenario, so get the kids and have some fun with it.